In User Review Round-Up’s I find user reviews for games & put them through the wringer. It’s purposefully written as if I am a pretentious douche– which I actually am!– but I’m much better at hiding it in real life.

Screw Triple-A!

kevin1979

All that unfounded (this time) Triple-A hate though. Here Kevin seems to be operating under the assumption that reviewers used the wrong criteria when reviewing it, presumably because it received lower scores than what he felt it deserved. While I agree that its metascore of 74 does seem lower than what I felt the game deserved, I really don’t think there is some sort of systemic prejudice against it not being an AAA title. While you would need to go through many reviews to prove or debunk this theory, I think the recent prevalence of Indie games getting great critical and commercial praise would generally seem to disprove this sentiment.

Kevin also bears one common complaint: a lack of content. But his solution is what I have a problem with because it would only take what is a fulfilling amount of collecting and muddy it into an unsatisfying collectathon.

kraenk

Not 100% sure what the point is when he says: 

“The first game I played for whole night (for my new PS4)”.

I mean, it implies you played other– possibly AAA– games that very night, you AAA heathen! Not playing first party AAA games doesn’t really legitimize your console of choice. The main reason to choose one console over the other nowadays is for the few first party titles that we still get. So instantly dissing one of your console of choices’ flagship series is a little odd; although, to be fair, you can totally hate Uncharted and still love some of Sony’s other franchises like…*steps away to think about which Sony IP has actually been relevant in recent years* Gran Turismo? Been awhile. God of War? Reboot is on the horizon. Speaking of Horizon, Horizon Zero Dawn– the wonder child extraordinarie, which has built up so much hype that the masses will almost certainly be disappointed in it, just like Watch Dogs before it. Still waiting for that. Hmm…You could still play it for Ratchet & Clank, or something!

Honestly, I find this mindset interesting though, because as I composed a list of titles I looked forward to playing on the PS4 I realized that so many of them were indie games that could be run on the PS3, but were merely not ported over to that system. It’s a concerning trend that deserves to be talked about more. But the lame stream media just won’t!!! (<— That’s a joke. I love the lame stream media. They’re the best. Really good people.)

The “It Getters”

mpiatek

This guy really nailed the premise of this game on the head. I’m about 50% sure he’s one of the devs for this game and was actually the one who brainstormed the game’s concept. The other 50% is sure this was written The Gender Bender.

thegenderbender
This episode might have been so I could make this punchline…

succulent_dan

janitorjamarcus

These guys are the “It Getters”. They “get” “it” and I’m glad I don’t have to explain why this game is so great to everyone. I’m also fairly sure that Janitor JaMarcus just wrote my review for me, so I’m not entirely sure why I’m sharing it, since it is significantly harder to get caught for plagiarism when you don’t make what you plagiarized from readily available.

It’s Just For Kids

dacritic82shiftian_be

Look, I hate to look down at you from my horse that’s on top of an ivory tower– I really do because it’s basically a waste of my time– but I must in order to correct your perspectives from time to time. There were actually several of these types of comments and somehow I thought we’d gotten past the “This is only for kids because it looks child friendly and doesn’t allow me to kill things in a savage way, like a real man”. The point here being that something can be friendly for kids without actually being exclusively for them. Sesame Street is basically exclusively for kids. It teaches you life lessons (which many adults seem to forget), counting, alphabet, etc. But Pixar movies are made for both children and adults. There are relatable plots and characters that appeal on many levels, whether it be,“Oh! It’s fluffy!” or,“I feel exactly like that (literal) momma bear from Brave! *cries*” What really bothers me is that, while this game is not exceptionally difficult and would definitely be completable by a 5 year old with some patience, the game is definitely not MADE for 5 year olds. Any game that was would not require the shoulder buttons to be used so much because their small hands struggle with reaching them.

#NotZomibeVikings #NotTheFreeGameIWanted

pureray

romanontherun___frompurchasinggames
More like “RomanOnTheRunFromPayingForHisGames”. Haha XD I’m Sorry…

A little background is needed first. Grow Home was part of a campaign run by Sony called “Vote to Play” where gamers were given the choice to vote for one of three games to be free for the month of September 2015 on PlayStation Plus. Their options were Armello, Grow Home, and Zombie Vikings. And while many people were either happy, pleasantly surprised, indifferent, or disappointed amongst the reviewers, at least two people were willing to come out and have their voices heard! Namely, by bitching about how they would have rather have had Zombie Vikings because now they have to purchase it themselves! Sad! (Note: the 2 games that were not chosen were discounted by 30% for 2 weeks.)

The Guy That Clearly Didn’t ACTUALLY Play the Game

fandango89

Boring & repetitive are somewhat subjective, but the lack of a clear objective, goal, or directions is, well, objective. Watching the below video you already know exactly what you are doing at the 1:45 mark, and the first minute was just the Let’s Player talking! Let this remind you of the important life lesson that Sesame Street will never teach you: don’t write user reviews whilst intoxicated!

 

 

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